13. The Birth of Otilio

Once we realized Debbie was in fact pregnant, things went into fast forward. It was as if Tito said "Good, now you're aware of me. Now let's par-tay!" Deb's belly suddenly began to balloon, and she experienced more kicks than a Bruce Lee movie. Remember, we only had a few scant days between discovery of her pregnancy and the arrival of this little turtle. Now we gotta come up with names.

Deb knows my Puerto Rican culture is very important to me, and she deigned to let me choose the name. We already knew it was a boy from the sonogram (the flag pole was at full mast, if you know what I mean.) So I went through my list, and waited for her approval. The following names she rejected:

• Mabodamaca - a Taíno Indian chieftain

• Agüeybaná - a great Taíno warrior and chieftain. There were actually two, father and son. Agüeybaná el Viejo (the Elder) and his son, Agüeybaná el Bravo (the Brave). The son was the one who led the ill-fated rebellion against the Conquistadores.

• Urayoán - a great and wise elder and chieftain on the Taíno council. It was his wisdom that sought to find the Spaniard's weaknesses. You see, the Taíno had never seen body armor, and when their arrows bounced of the Spaniard's chests, it was thought you could not kill a Spaniard. Besides, even if you did kill one, he'd just come back in 3 days and 3 nights (they claimed Jesus' power). But Urayoán decided on an experiment. Let's kill one and see what happens. So, a Castillian named Miguel Salcedo demands Taíno laborers to take him into the interior, and Urayoán decides he will do nicely. The Taíno come to a shallow river, and Salcedo demands to be carried on the shoulders of a Taíno so as not to get wet. Perfect. When they get to the middle of the river, the Taíno "accidentally" slips and drops Salcedo in the water. Now the river is shallow, but Salcedo's body armor weighs him down, and he drowns. The Taínos drag his body onto the bank, and hide in the bushes, watching his corpse for three days and three nights. They spent the time making up a story in case he should ressurect and demand an explanation. After the third day, Salcedos carcass is getting pretty funky and full of flies, and the Taíno realize the Spaniards CAN be killed. So begins "Guasábara" or the Big Fight, the Taíno Rebellion of 1511-1530.

• Mephistopholese - I just threw that in to keep her on her toes.

Well, Debbie demands I get real. So I decide to name him after my father, my grandfather, and her father. My father's name (and his father's name) is Otilio, Spanish for Othello. My mother's father's name is Elías (Elijah), and Debs pop's name is William. I also kept the custom of taking both surnames for the child. Hence: Otilio Elías William Colón-Lomax.

So I'm in Manhattan and Deb is visiting her mom in The Bronx. I get a call; she's in labor. Meet them at Beth Israel Hospital.

She's got nice little birthing room. Couches and a TV too. I'm a nervous wreck while we're waiting for this kid to pop out. She starts to go into labor, and they put her in the stirrups. Let me tell ya, there's a reason ancient societies did not let men witness childbirth. If you see that thing stretch and pulsate like some kind of sea monster, you may not want to go near it again!

Anyway, while she's contracting and we're waiting, Jeopardy is on. We are watching Alex Trebeck; the doctor, the three Filipina nurses, Deb's mom, Deb's gramma, me, and even Debbie's watching. Tito's head starts to crown; I guess he wanted to watch, too. Just then, instead of popping out, he goes back inside (smart kid). The doc goes back to watching Jeopardy. I'm like, Yo! Get in there and get the kid out! The doc tells me to relax. Then the real thing starts to happen. What I am about to say may violate national security, but who cares. I had taken shahada in 1981 after my father died, which means I had converted to Islam. So while she's birfin' dat baby, I'm reciting the shahada: "La Il Aha Il Allah, Muhammadan ur-Rasul-ullah." "There is no god but The God, and Muhammad is his Prophet." While I am crying (I do that a lot) and reciting the faith, a Jewish doctor and three Catholic Filipina nurses look at this Jehovah's Witness woman's Puerto Rican husband say a Muslim prayer in Arabic! Only in America!

Finally, the doc squats like Mike Piazza waiting for a curve ball, and out slides Otilio. Again, great joy and abject terror. I am honored that God sent this tiny soul for me to care for and raise. I am also scared shitless. I hold him and say, "Welcome to earth. I will be your father for the rest of this flight."

They decide it's time to take Tito up to the nursery. Susan (110 camera) is their also, and helps hold me up. (I seem to collapse near women.) We pass a Puerto Rican family; this is old hat to them, mom is giving birth to number six while the other five are in the waiting room with relatives. They see me crying and smiling, and they look at me and say "¡Ay, que emocionante! Su primero..." "How emotional! His first one..."

So happy...

Oh, by the way, before Homeland Security (what a fascist name) comes a-knocking at my door, I learned a great deal from Islam, but I am a Spic, not a Towel Head. I prefer arroz con pollo over hummus and pita bread. And my name is Norberto.