14. Ramiro Has Landed

Debbie's pregnancy with Ramiro was problematic. Although she was only two years older, her ailments were advancing and she was experiencing pain and difficulties. I often took time off from freelancing to stay home with her; Otilio was only 2 and I didn't want her to be alone. The doctor declared her pregnancy high risk and she had frequent appointments. I often massaged her belly with baby oil to help give her some relief.

We did not want to know the sex of the child at first; we knew beforehand that Tito was a boy, so we wanted to be surprised this time. At first we thought it was going to be a girl. Again, Debbie granted me the privilege of naming the child, but she had final approval. I chose Sylvia Maruka Yuísa. When my mother was pregnant with me, my name was to be Sylvia if I was a girl. Maruka was the name of my mother's mother's grandmother, who was a full-blood Taína Indian. Her christian name was María Cordero, but her Taíno name was Maruka, or Uka for short. They say she smoked cigars and chewed tobacco. Yuísa was a female chieftan on the Taíno council and a contemporary of the aforementioned Agüeybaná and Urayoán (Taína women could be chiefs as well as men, and women were even allowed more than one husband). So I liked Sylvia Maruka Yuísa Colón Lomax.

Well later in the pregnancy Debbie decided she wanted to know the sex so that we would be better prepared, and the doctor said the information would help in Deb's treatment. It's another boy! Put Sylvia Maruka Yuísa back in the Archives. Now I gotta come up with another boy's name.

Now, when I named Otilio it was not just to carry on a legacy. I wanted a strong Spanish name; un nombre fuerte para un hombre fuerte I would say. A strong name for a strong man. And I didn't want a name that had an english equivalent. No Miguel to become Mike, No José to twist into Joey. But since I shot my wad with Otilio Elías William, I had run out of boy's names. So I gave her another list:

• Orocóvis - another Taíno chieftan.

• Guarionéx - Supreme Chief of Borikén at the time of the Conquest (the Taíno name for Puerto Rico, Borikén, or Borinquen, means Land of the Noble Lord, and Borícua means One Who Lives in the Land of the Noble Lord). I knew Debbie would reject this one, but I had to pay my props.

• Basilio

• Bartolo

• Norberto Jr. (I didn't like "junior")

• Ramiro

"I like Ramiro!" she says. So, in the tradition of two-paged birth certificates, we filled it out to Ramiro Norberto Andrés Colón Lomax. The first two are obvious. I had a favorite aunt named Andréa. She was not a blood relative, but very close to the family. She helped raise me and baby sat for me as a child. She died tragically from colon cancer and I loved her very much. So, the male version of Andréa is Andrés.

We had spent a great deal of time getting Tito prepared for his little sister. Now we had to switch gears and tell him his sister was now his brother!

We are all at home on the night of August 27, 1997, when Debbie tells me "Nori, it's time!" We rush to Bellevue Hospital, where Darth Maternus meets us to take Tito home with her. We go up to the high risk pregnancy room, and my poor sweetie is in labor for hours.

I hate West Indian Head Nurses. They are on such a power trip, even resident doctors don't like dealing with them. Debbie was very thirsty, but the doctor said she could have no water. But he did say she could suck on ice cubes. Well, the shift changes (Debbie was in labor for like 12 hours) and we get this big fat dreadlock-wearing Bob-Marley-listening Queen's-English-funny-talking curry-goat-roti-eating BITCH of a head nurse! I ask for ice cubes for my honey.

"No, Mahn, she cyant have waw-taaah!"

"The doctor said she can have ice cubes."

"Wachanow! Me say she cyant hab no waw-TAAAH!"

"I know, but she can have ice cubes."

"Me say NO WAW-TAAH!"

"But the doctor said..."

"Me bin da ed-ners ear fe' fawteen yee-ahs! Ya cyant be tellin me ow to do me jawb!"

"But.."

"NO WAW-TAAAH!"

"¡Tanta pendeja de'gra'ciá! ¡Sucia! ¡Dame la maldita jodienda agua pa' mi mujer! ¡¿Quien carajo eh tu para negar lo que dijo el doctor?! ¡Maricona!" (do your own translating)

"Watch wid da Spanish jibba-jabbeh! NO WAW-TAAAH!"

Dread bitch leaves to do her rounds. A Filipina nurse walks by and I ask her for ice. She says "Yeah, sure!" "Why wouldn't that fat bitch gimme ice cubes?" "I don't know, it says right on her chart she can have ice. Ignore her. You know how those people can be."

We get the ice cubes. I'm dead on my feet waiting for this kid to present himself. Around midnight or so, a NICE nurse tells me, "She won't give birth tonight. We're going to induce labor in the morning. Go home and get some sleep. We'll call you if anything happens."

Now, since I'm allergic to money, I didn't have much left on me. I wanted to be sure to have cab fare in case I have to fly back. So I kiss Debbie on the forehead, and I leave the hospital. Since it's after midnight, public transportation is running VERY slowly, and even more delays because of subway repairs. Under normal conditions, the trip from my house on the Lower West Side, Spring & 6th Ave, to Bellevue, on 28th Street and 1st Ave., takes about a half hour. After midnight, with bus delays and subway repairs, it took me 2 HOURS to get home! I AM EXHAUSTED! I finally get of the train at Spring Street. It's like two in the morning. I am in front of my building. I take my keys to open the front door lock. The key BARELY TOUCHES the front door lock when my cell phone goes off.

"Mr. Colón? Your wife is giving birth! Get back here right away!"

AWWUGGH! Shoot me now, please! I turn around to see an empty cab right in front of my building. I jump in and tell the cabbie, "My wife is giving birth! I need to get to Bellevue right away!" He makes the left on Sullivan, then the right on Houston (pronounced HOW-stun, not HYOO-stun) to go down to First Avenue. Not fast enough. "Sir, I don't want to get you in trouble, but I really need you to grow wings on this thing and fly!" He chuckles and picks up the pace. He makes the left on 1st. Still not fast enough! "Sir, please eat the red lights! If the cops give you any beef, I'll take care of it!" He laughs, but he hits the gas and blows the lights. We screech in front of Bellevue, I go to pay him, but he says "No charge! Now hurry and get to your wife!" I run through the hospital (naturally, the elevators to maternity are in the rear). I get in the elevator and get off on 10. The nurses were waiting for me. You'd've thought I was performing surgery! They said, "Good, you're here! Put this on and get in there!" One nurse pulls my coat off, another shoves me forward with outstretched arms while two more are holding my gown so I fly right into it. Another ties the cap to my head; another ties the mask to my face. Then I'm shoved through the double doors into the birthing room.

Somehow I remember to bring my video camera. Before I turn it on, Debbie turns to me with pain in her eyes and shouts one word, clearly and succinctly: "MORPHINE!" They hook her up with some pain killers, and I start coaching and encouraging while I am taping. But when the actual moment comes, they force me to stop taping! Since she was high risk, I guess they didn't want any video evidence should something go wrong.

There's a whole team of doctors and nurses in there, and I am praying my wife and baby will be okay. The kid finally slides out, and they let me tape again. When they have him in the baby crib, I say to him what I said to his big brother when he was born. "Welcome to Earth. Your name is Ramiro. I will be your father for the rest of this flight."

I really don't remember much after that. I was so tired, I don't remember if I went home or to my mother's house, or even if I slept at the hospital. But my baby was here, and my wife was OK.