25. Tamika

Tamika is the only one of Debbie's friends who will still have any contact with me. I am grateful to God for it.

4/15/08 3:45 PM

I cannot tell you how much we loved each other. I cannot tell you how much I suffer missing her. I did not go to Bookie's house after the funeral because the boys wanted to go home. I figured they had been through enough. Perhaps that was a mistake. I wish I could talk to someone who knew us, who knew her. But I feel shunned. Just because I am not a Jehovah's Witness does not mean I will not receive His grace. Debbie believed that. I do too. I did not do this to her. I loved her. No one knows what we had, what we suffered, what we enjoyed. We had love in the sight of Jehovah. What we had was sincere and true. She made my life worth living. She gave me children. My beautiful boys. And no one knows what I suffer through now. Everyone knew Debbie was ill. Few, very few knew I was sick too. I have a painful skin disease that has put me in the hospital more than once. I have bad knees and a bad back. She did what she could, as did I. Everything we did was for the boys.

No one should judge me. Yet I have been judged and condemned. Solitude is a most vile punishment. I have no one. And I am deeply sad. I believe that if I live my life as God wants, I too will have hope of the resurrection. My Sweet Love accepted and believed that. If it was good enough for her, it should be good enough for those who loved her.

Tamika (Coko), you will be blessed by the Creator for the support and love you have shown me and my sons. Your words have kept me from going over the edge. And I want to thank your husband as well. Many men would not allow there wives to have contact like that. His actions have also saved me. He too will be blessed. May you both know the joys of True Love as my Debbie and I knew it, and may Jehovah keep you from knowing the pain I know. We all must die, but at the proper time. Debbie died too young. Perhaps Jehovah decided for His reasons that it was her time. I don't know. But I loved her True.