24. I Miss You Dearly

4/8/08 9:31 AM

My dearest love,

I miss you dearly. I know you would not want me to suffer like this, but when you died, I died too. My life before and my life after are completely different. It hurts to smile. It hurts to laugh. I look at the world and see only you, and I weep. I should have been better to you. And yet you stayed with me. You'd say "You hear me complaining? I'm not going anywhere!" Yet you are gone from my side, my love. How do I move on? How do I go forward without you? I did not deserve you, yet you chose me. I could never figure out why.

I hate myself for letting this happen. I should have protected you; I should have saved you. I didn't know what to do! It was so fast. You were there, then you were gone. I was stunned. Forgive me.

I will love you until the end of the universe and beyond. Your laughter was like the beat of an angel's wings. Your smile was like sunshine breaking through storm clouds. And your love... your love was God walking upon this earth. I am nothing without you. My motions are robotic. My actions are pre-programmed. There is no spice of life, no spark. I was proud to call you my wife, and I was proud to be your husband. You gave me dignity and strength.

When we first met, we didn't even like each other. Yet the twists and turns of life put our paths together, and we loved each other. Funny, huh? You gave me a family. You gave me children. You gave me your heart. I did not deserve this from you, but you gave willingly. Oh, to see your face again, to feel your breath on my neck, to kiss your lips one more time. I die every day without you.

Oh my love, I pray for strength and guidance. I try to go forward as you wanted. But without you, I don't know where I'm going.

I love you forever.

-Nori-